Spoiler: I almost quit.

Earlier this year, I wrote a post called “I Watched the Live Action Kim Possible Movie” and I think that’s kind of what I’d like this “series” to be called, where I watch something I really don’t want to. Sometimes I go on a rant, sometimes I complain.

This time around, I’m going to talk about the things I disliked the most about the movie. I’m sure most people heard it all before, like the lack of continuity, character changes, no one having the courage to admit Dumbledore and Grindelwald’s relationship.

Honestly, an hour in, I almost quit. I didn’t care about anything going on, skipped half an hour, then realized I skipped the Hogwarts stuff (the only thing I was remotely interested in) so after I watched it all, went back just for that. And it had some of the best parts (in my opinion.)

Okay, this went on long enough. Onto to the post. And obviously, spoilers.

Top 6 Dislikes

1.) Grindelwald Is No Voldemort

I never appreciated scenes with Voldy until I watched Grindelwald. There is nothing to him. Let’s show him killing his lizard and a family with a baby so he comes across as evil because there is no other reason to think that.

At least Voldemort was entertaining to watch. He had a personality and was intimidating. I got none of that from Grindelwald.

2.) Newt & Tina’s “Love”

I could get on board with their little spark of whatever from the last movie. It was hinted they could (well, they would) be a thing, but I would’ve preferred a slow burn rather than Newt spending a good chunk of the movie trying to find her in Paris.

Tina this, Tina that, I can’t let Tina think I’m engaged. Where did this come from? You haven’t seen each other in months.

There was one scene with Newt and Jacob looking for her on the street using…some kind of magic powder to look into the past and Newt literally went, “She was standing right here!”

Dude, chill.

3.) The Lack of Beasts

If you don’t know, I have a fascination with mythological creatures, which is why I enjoyed the first movie so much. There was one scene with a beast loose in a city and it lasted ten seconds.

There are snippets like Newt taking care of many more in his basement with his assistant (who had this weird thing for Newt and wanted him to take his shirt off….) and Phoenixes but nothing to warrant this a “Fantastic Beasts” title.

I don’t care how many times you show me a baby Niffler movie, you can’t pull me back in.

4.) 10 Different Storylines

I whined every time the movie switched storylines. Shall I list them?

• the Ministry trying to hire Newt
• Newt taking care of his beasts
• Newt trying to find Tina
• Tina looking for Credence
• Credence wanting to know who he is
• Grindelwald also looking for Credence
• Grindelwald and his cause gaining followers
• the Ministry looking for Grindelwald
• the Ministry looking for Credence
• Newt’s brother and Newt’s former love interest Lita being a thing
• Queenie putting a love spell on Jacob who is rightfully angry
• Queenie joining Grindelwald’s side (???????????)
• Jacob and Newt having their own little adventure
• Dumbledore asking Newt to help him take down Grindelwald
• Lita struggling with her past
• some weird character named Comma (Karma, Common, I don’t know) looking for Credence and wanting to kill him
• Credence and Nagini (don’t get me started on the snake thing) looking for answers

Did I miss anything?

5.) Characters I Don’t Care About Talking About Things I Don’t Care About

I don’t care about Karma (Comma, Common, whatever) looking for Credence or Credence in general. I barely know Lita but I’m expected to care about her and Newt’s relationship.

Lita’s backstory and leading to her brother’s death: didn’t care.

Karma wanting to kill Credence or being in the movie in general: didn’t care.

6.) The Ministry of Magic = No Common Sense

The opening scene annoyed me and pretty much set the tone for the rest of the movie. I’m just going to use what I wrote down while they tried to transport Grindelwald:

“Why does he have to answer for his crimes in Europe? You guys can travel in seconds, just go to America and do it!” You’re risking flying him to Europe and guess what…he escapes. Hell, they could’ve used a Portkey.

Also, they want Newt to be an Auror. Why? Just let him live in his damn suitcase, tuck him away in a little corner, and let the damn war with Grindelwald go on. They literally said he caused the destruction in New York…uh no or are you trying to manipulate him? Do they want him to use his beasts for war? I don’t get why they need Newt.

Honorable Mentions

• the way Dumbledore pronounces GrindelVALDS name
• why can’t Newt travel internationally? I know he was supposed to leave America at the end of the first movie, but since when can’t he go to other countries?
• rushed explanation of Jacob’s memories returning
• Queenie leaving rather than talking to Jacob about what she did
• Queenie thinking Jacob wouldn’t want to be with her

• did Grindelwald use Polyjuice Potion to get away with his escape in the beginning? or is there a spell that allows you to change faces because I’m still confused about that after the first movie
• why did Newt’s Polyjuice Potion last five minutes?
• why are wizards unable to translate other languages? there’s no spell for that?
• the waste of Nicolas Flamel
• Newt not telling Tina right away he’s not engaged to Lita even though the reason he wanted to find Tina was to tell her he’s not engaged to Lita!
• was there supposed to be tension between Tina and Lita over Newt? that’s the last thing this movie needed
• the fact that no one can do a damn blood test on Credence to find out who he is
• how many times I compared Grindy to Voldy
• a fight in a graveyard
• Nicolas Flamel showing up at the last damn minute just to tell them one damn spell

• Queenie choosing Grindy’s side…you ruined one of my favorite characters, movie
• the fact that the only reason they’re going to take Grindy down is that a Niffler stole his blood pact thing
• we should all credit the Niffler
• everyone standing on the bridge as Dumbledore and Newt go to have tea…that was weird

My complaints about Hogwarts are at the bottom since I skipped it and I’m literally just reading off the list of complaints I wrote while watching. To continue…

• Professor McGonagall being in the movie at all
• the majestical shot of Hogwarts trying to pull us back into the movie like the baby Nifflers
• why did a large group of people chase after Lita after she made that girl’s mouth disappear? why did it bother me so much?
• the fact that they don’t have enough courage to admit, in a movie, that Dumbledore and Grindy were a thing

The Parts I Did Like

• the casting for young Newt

• showing a friendship between a Hufflepuff (Newt) and Slytherin (Lita)
• I didn’t mind Dumbledore. I could believe that’s a younger version of him
• anything with beasts

Final Thoughts 

I didn’t go into this wanting to hate it.

I was genuinely excited about these movies when it was first announced and didn’t mind the set up from the first movie. Too many things are happening in them now because we established the characters from the first movie, added more to this one, and still have to retain that “Fantastic Beasts” title even though these movies are about Grindelwald.

Like this movie, I’ll wait for reviews to come out for the next one to decide whether or not to see it in theaters or have it end up being another post like this.

Side Notes:

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