“Thus far a rather uninspiring thing.” Oh, you said it.

After finishing the live-action movie, I had to watch the original animated one because I felt that DEAD INSIDE. If the lack of expression on the characters’ faces takes me OUT of Mufasa’s, MUFASA’S, death scene…that just says it all. 

I know everyone says it, but The Lion King is my favorite animated movie (I love lions and Elton John, okay?)

I never had a desire to watch this movie from the moment it was announced. And after hearing such lovely reviews knew to steer clear…until it released on Disney+ and I saw an opportunity to bitch about something. 

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I’m just kidding…what these posts usually are is me writing down my thoughts as they occur during the movie, good or bad, while also talking about what I did and didn’t like and learning what NOT to do, as a writer. And this movie had one goal: to make me cry during Mufasa’s death scene. 

My other “I Watched” posts:

• The Last Airbender
• Live-Action Kim Possible
• The Crimes of Grindelwald

What Really Annoyed Me

1. Rafiki’s Stick: He didn’t have it at the beginning of the movie or through most of it until the end when this big reveal came out of nowhere as he brought out his stick. What-what was the point of that? Of us waiting until the end for him to use his stick?
2.  Everything Zazu: I didn’t like John Oliver as Zazu, I’m sorry. There were so many times he made stupid little quips then said he was sworn to keep Simba safe. And there were so many times I said, throughout the movie when Simba was in danger, “ZAZU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SWORN TO KEEP SIMBA SAFE!” 
3. Timon and Pumba: Who said they were the best part of the movie? Who said that shit? Again with the quipping! They probably annoyed me more than any other character. It took me five minutes to be absolutely done with them.
   

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4. Lack of Emotion: I know everyone said this but I couldn’t stand watching them talk if I also had to see their faces. And I’m not saying the voice-acting was bad, it wasn’t, but when Simba’s supposed to be upset over his dad’s death and it’s coming through the voice but with no expression on his face, it completely took me out of the scene.
   

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5. The Musical Numbers: Aside from “Circle of Life” I didn’t get into any of them.
6. Lack of Heart: There wasn’t that “thing” the animated version had that keeps you interested in the movie. The energy wasn’t there, the dull colors, and since the animals are supposed to look “real” they don’t get to do any overexaggerated movements (aside from Timon, which I talk about later.) 

And here are my thoughts as I wrote them down, some edited because I like to keep my blog at a PG-13 rating. 

My Initial Thoughts

• Okay, so the start is exactly the same as the animated version. I should just watch it instead. 
• So far it looks nice. SO FAR.
• Okay, that elephant didn’t look real. 
• I don’t care if this monkey is supposed to look real WHERE IS RAFIKI’S STICK?
• Little Simba is pretty cute though. 
• I have a feeling I’m gonna skip some parts. 
• I don’t think I like John Oliver as Zazu. It doesn’t look like that voice should be coming out of that bird. 

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• Actually, none of these voices fit the animals. 
• “Let’s do this!” Oh wow.
• I wonder if the animals put up a sacrifice when it comes to feeding the lions, especially the king? Cause it’s like, let’s go to this ceremony to see this little lion cub but tomorrow they’re gonna come down and kill us. 
• Oh boy, the first song number. 
• “Thus far a rather uninspiring thing.” Oh, you said it.

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• Why was ZAZU sworn to keep Simba safe? A BIRD…sorry birds.
• That was…not fun. 
• I just skipped ten minutes. 
• I like it when it pans away because I can’t see the dead expressions on their faces. 
• Oh yeah just add the original music, it’ll get to people.  
• I like how it sounds “Be Prepared” is going to start and it just doesn’t. 
• My favorite villain song…you know what, nevermind. I don’t want to hear a downgraded version of it anyway.

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• I’m going to get a brownie. 
• Okay, here it comes…will I cry?
• I’m thinking about the animated version and crying over that. Does that count?
• Hey, Zazu I thought you were SWORN TO PROTECT AND WATCH SIMBA ALL THE TIME!
• Wait why would ZAZU TRUST SCAR WHY THE HELL! HE’S SUPPOSED TO KNOCK ZAZU OUT BUT ZAZU JUST FLEW AWAY!
• He actually trusts Scar to save them…I just…
• Simba looks so concerned about his dad.
• I expected a bigger build up…you know how Mufasa’s fall was supposed to feel like it lasted longer.
• The voice acting is pretty good here I’ll admit it.
• If I don’t look at the screen, they don’t sound bad, but there’s so little emotion on their faces. Oh my god, Simba has nothing on his face while he’s crying over his dad.

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• And…I’m out of it. You took me out of the scene from the lack of expression. 
• The hell is going on in this scene with the hyenas? What was the joke about the one getting too close to the other? Maybe it was in another scene I skipped. 
• Still wasn’t funny. 
• Some emotion on little Nala’s face…that’s something. 
• Zazu could LITERALLY debunk Scar’s story about him not getting there in time because HE TOLD ZAZU HE WOULD HELP THEN ZAZU FLEW AWAY. ZAZU WAS THERE HE SAW SCAR WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL SCAR’S PLAN DOESN’T WORK.
• Oh, there’s Zazu, not saying shit.
• Ah, shit Timon and Pumba.
• Who said they were the best part of the film? WHO SAID THAT SHIT

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• Out of all the animals, Timon is the only one with any animated expression and I don’t say that as a good thing.
• AH, what the hell was that close-up of his face? 
• Okay, I’ll admit it. Baby Pumba is adorable. 
• I hate the little quips they’re giving to the characters.
• Where are all these animals coming from?
• Are all of them gonna raise Simba so the “Timon and Pumba are basically two dads” thing can be put to rest?
• You know…this movie is putting hyenas in a really bad light…
• OH GOD, NO WE ARE NOT DOING A “YOU CHOSE MUFASA OVER ME” THING. 

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• Skipping…skipping…don’t need to see Nala trying to leave…
• There is still AN HOUR LEFT.
• WOW, those birds looked really fake.
• Oh, I’m done with Timon and Pumba.
• Nala, please eat them 
• Okay, Nala jumping out in the middle of their song number was kind of funny. It wasn’t a bad jump scare either cause you expected to see her at some point, yeah that wasn’t bad. 
• How did he guess it was Nala? They barely looked at each other.
• THIS IS MY FAVORITE LOVE SONG DON’T BUTCHER IT. 
• That was quick. It was supposed to progress to nighttime. 
• Yeah, I’m a little salty. Don’t like it. 
• There is still so much time left holy shit.
• Yeah, I just skipped over Rafiki and Simba’s talk because I just don’t want to deal with it.  
• I really don’t like some of the lines they added. 
• STOP ADDING SHIT. WE DON’T NEED MORE WORDS. IF YOU COULD ANIMATE FACES YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO ADD STUPID LINES “I AM SIMBA. SON IF MUFASA” OH SHUT UP. 

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• No. No. No. WHY…THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE MOVIE! AND YOU REPLACED IT WITH LYRICS!  I LOOKED FORWARD TO THIS PART WITH THE MUSIC AND SIMBA RUNNING BACK.
• It’s official. It made me cry and NOT IN A GOOD WAY. 
• BECAUSE BEYONCE HAD TO HAVE HER OWN SONG (not sorry) 
• Oh, it’s Zazu who was supposed to WATCH SIMBA FOR ALL TIME.
• I would love for Timon and Pumba to go away. 
• STOP QUIPPING.
• Let me guess…Timon’s not gonna dress up in a hula skirt and…BE OUR GUEST! REALLY? 
• He sang the opening lines to “Be Our Guest,” I don’t have anything else to say about that. 
• THERE’S RAFIKI’S STICK. WHY DIDN’T HE HAVE IT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE? WHY WAS IT A BIG REVEAL!

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• WHY IS SCAR SO DESPERATE FOR SARABI TO BE HIS QUEEN WHY ARE WE MAKING AN IMAGINARY LOVE TRIANGLE BETWEEN HER, MUFASA, AND SCAR.
• I don’t want to watch this anymore. 
• “Lions, attack.” I hate you.
• I’m struggling, not going to lie. I’m really struggling here. 
• I wouldn’t have minded them using “chubby” over “pig” if TIMON AND PUMBA DIDN’T ANNOY ME FOR 98% OF THEIR SCREEN TIME!

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• Also, that was extremely anti-climactic. Like…we cut away from the fight to Timon and Pumba just so Pumba can put in an anti-bullying message?
• Oh yeah, Nala must defeat the hyena…I skipped that part with her and Simba in the elephant graveyard, so I guess this is supposed to mean something.
• Great of Rafiki to show up with his STICK.
• They literally dragged this final showdown on for an extra ten minutes oh my god.
• Just end already!
• Wow, Simba didn’t even throw him off. He just fell. Wow. 
• I swear if they take away the final music of Simba taking his place as king I’m turning it off. Not even gonna finish watching it. 
• They’re actually keeping it. Wow.
• I miss Timon and Pumba’s proud looks on their faces.
• And the ending is the exact same. Great. What a fantastic waste of my time. 

Things I DID Like, To End On a Good Note

• For the most part, the CGI wasn’t that bad. The animals did look realistic, especially when there were herds. I said before the beginning and ending matched the animated exactly while also having the most COLOR. 
• The voice-acting was pretty good. If they could’ve animated their faces more, maybe I would’ve felt some emotional impact. 
• The story stayed the same…
• The hard work that went into the details of the animals and landscape. I thought it at the beginning, that since there are no people, it’s all “animated” and yes, the original exists, but I still want to give credit. 

Moving On

At least I can say I TRIED to give it a chance. If anything, it made me appreciate the animated movie more and how I took so many good scenes and songs for granted. I’m one of those people who just want the live-action remakes to end.

But if you liked it, then that’s fine. All of this is just my opinion. Obviously, I’m a little attached to the original (maybe more than a little.)

I’m moving on and putting this behind me. Now I know my own thoughts and can spend the rest of my life avoiding watching this ever again. 

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In all seriousness, these posts are supposed to be funnier (well, I think I’m funny) so if you got some enjoyment out of it, then I achieved my goal. 

But it’ll probably be a while I do another one.

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